Wednesday, July 11, 2007
RVs and Warp Drive
It used to be that when we needed to make room at the adult table we put grandma or grandpa out on an ice flow. With global warming, there just aren't that many ice flows available. They're needed for the polar bears. How else to explain why so many people are putting their elders in humongous RVs and setting them adrift on Highway 101?
RVs the size of the USS Enterprise are the bane of our summer existence. It is nice, though, to see that folks driving them are getting more environmentally conscious. Fewer are towing gas guzzling SUVs. Now many tow hybrids.
They all seem to drive 40 mph. Until, that is, they get to a passing lane and then they go at warp speed. There's a reason for this. They ARE the prototype for the USS Enterprise. Grandpa sits up front wearing his captain's hat and every now and then he radios Scotty in the engine room. These behemoths are big enough that they must have engine rooms.
He radios Scotty in the engine room and he says: "Scotty, can't you give me more power?"
And Scotty says: "I'm trying Cap'n, but I don' think the dilithium crystals can take it anymore."
And grandpa says: "But, Scotty, there are twenty or thirty cars behind me, cars filled with kind and patient Oregonians. I remember how it was before I retired, trying to get to work on time so I could make a few more payments on the RV. Please, Scotty, you've got to give me more power."
Of course, this is science fiction since it's rare for anyone in RVs to notice the lines of cars behind them and even rarer for those in the lines to take the extra time to enjoy the scenery.
No, what grandpa really says is: "Scotty, why don't you try calling technical support?" The problem is they're in Lincoln County, Oregon where cell phone service is spotty. If you see someone hunched over in a pretzel-yoga like stance, chances are it's someone who's found one of the few sweet spots where you can get cell phone reception.
Grandpa doesn't know this, so when the RV crests a hill and speeds up he thinks it's Scotty doing his magic. Grandpa puts the pedal to medal and grandma pedals furiously. Some of the cars behind them try to pass, but before they can, they're stopped by a flagger. That's because in Lincoln County speed limits are enforced by pot holes and the shortest distance between two points is always under construction. Happy trails.
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